Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
