my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
