i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
