genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We're too hungover to prance.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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