you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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