addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
