I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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