And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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