well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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