I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
