I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize