I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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