Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
