If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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