I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
