i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
