You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
