the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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