I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
