i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
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