do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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