I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
