i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
