We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize