I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
