i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize