I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
