It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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