i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Send help, water and tortillas.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
