i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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