I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
you had me at cake vodka
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
