Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
