just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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