whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
