Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize