I didn't shave. On purpose
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
