So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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