i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
