when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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