you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
