Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
