I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
