I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
