we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
