She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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