what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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