YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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