he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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