Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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