Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
