I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
