she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You're like the curious george of whores
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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