I smell stomach acid.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
