take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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