Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize