Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
