Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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