we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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