If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Boobs are out for the taking
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
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