to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
