I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
