She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
