we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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