Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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