forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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