you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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