Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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