Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
