We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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