dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
