New game: find the sober person in Tbell
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
