I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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