do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize