have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Send help, water and tortillas.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
