he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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